Everyone has had one or two (or more) occasions before where their sexual escapades turned into a horror story, and safe to say they would most likely be rather amusing on hindsight.
Here are our top five stories from men and women that will either make you cringe from the thought, or have you rolling around clutching your tummy from the pain of laughter.
“My girlfriend had just finished our lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, and as we headed home in the car we started getting handsy and things started heating up.
Once we reached home, we were both primed and ready for some action, and we started getting into the usual rhythm of things. Midway through our activity, I started noticing a weird sound below the waist, like a sloshing sound that moving water in a bucket would make. It didn’t take me long to realise that the sound came from my girlfriend, the soup and sandwich meal moving around in her tummy. We both realised it at the same time and couldn’t stop laughing after.”
“My ex and I were alone in his home one day, and we started making out. Things started heating up real fast, and we both decided to get out of our clothes as fast as possible; problem was, my jeans were really snug. As I kept tugging and tugging, it finally came off but so did my grip on my pants, and my hand flew towards my face as I punched myself out cold.”
“I met a guy at a party and we liked each other, so we headed to my place. We hooked up and everything was perfect. We had great sex, even though it was a little rough. Afterwards, we fell asleep, and the next morning, when the light came through the window, I saw that my period had begun two weeks early because of a medicine that I'd been prescribed. The sheets were red, I had blood all over my body, there were bloody handprints on the wall, and the poor guy's face was all red because he had gone down on me. Seriously, it looked like a crime scene that night.”
“This happened while I was still in university and shared a dorm with a friend of mine.
One night, I decided to turn in early as I had a paper in the morning. About an hour or two into my sleep, a blood curdling scream woke me right up. I turned over in the darkness, and saw the silhouette of my roommate, along with that of a girl.
As I ran to turn on the lights, I saw the girl grabbing her clothes as she yelled and ran to the toilet and slammed the door behind her. Confused, I turned to my roommate, who was staring at a tube of extra strong pimple cream that he held in his hands. He looked down, looked up at me and said, “I thought you told me the lube was in the top drawer, you didn’t tell me you left your pimple cream there as well!”
Thankfully, the “lube” didn’t leave any permanent damage to the girl, but it definitely scarred my roommate for the next couple of weeks.”
“It was the end of the exams, and my dormmates and I decided to head out of campus for a party in town.
I was running late trying to get ready and in the midst of my hurry, grabbed a condom satchet from the mess that was my table.
Fast forward into the night, I met a gorgeous lady and we hit it off real well and she decided to invite me over to her place. Just as we were getting ready to do the deed, I reached for my jeans on the floor for the condom I took earlier. Barely able to contain my excitement, I mustered all my energy opening the condom sachet and to my surprise, it burst open into an explosion of dust and powder. It wasn’t long before we started sneezing and to my utter horror, I realised that it wasn’t a condom I took from my table: it was a chicken flavoured ramen soup packet leftover from my previous late night study snack.
She made me clean up the mess and kicked me out soon after.”
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- July 05, 2018
- Digital Team